It has been a little over an year now, and I haven't had even an itzy-bitzy-teeny-weeny crush on someone. I know its not a big deal for most, but for me, who survives on romance, its a big deal. Its been ages since I last found myself sighing and day-dreaming, longing, imagining etcetera.
Maybe its just growing up, leaving the inebriating teenage behind. But its surprising nonetheless, since I even joined NSIT in August last year,a place overflowing with guys and hopefully most with an above average intellect. But so far, abso-fuckin'-lutely NOONE has turned me on...intellectually. Yes, they are all JEE crackers and CEE winners,but the sheer ability to rote and quote does not qualify them, or anyone for that matter, as intellectuals. I doubt the fact I could have found a better bet in the IITs, a place I well-nigh abnegated for being in NSIT.
The big sad part is that I am at least two years behind (due to late admission+one year droppie) and it virtually makes me feel I'm stuck with kids of different shapes and sizes. Maybe thats the reason I am always eying the seniors, much to my disappointment there too. I am like desperately searching for a 'man' in the whole of NSIT for one harmless reason of "being good friends with" ( not for tying the knot or anything,please DO NOT misinterpret my interest in you...for Crissake!!) as in a perfectly platonic relationship. But it seems convincing Mayawati to retire from politics would've been an easier task.
What is a 'man' to me? If mother nature is not in the mood to play with your X and Y you can be a consummate male biologically. I am not doubting anyone's sexual abilities here, I'm not even remotely interested in that, so if I say I am not able to find a 'man' I mean it completely in the non-physical, non-biological and non-chemical sense (Your testosterone secretions don't interest me.).
He is someone with strong opinions, even if they are different from mine, a person who can stand up for himself. I do not imply standing up and hitting someone with his fist, but he is able to present his individuality without insulting or undermining the opinions of others. He has a strong personality and his presence alone makes an impact. He doesn't have to shout, but people listen to him. He is modern, yet has strong ethics, mainly the respect for women; Basically a certain degree of respect for everyone, old or young. He should not feel the need to lie because he knows his actions aren't wrong. He is excellent at whatever he does, knows how to talk his mind.His ego should be under his control ( a rare quality which even I am trying to acquire). He should be someone I can look up to.
Hm mm. Difficult to find certainly. Okay why only a guy and not a girl? Number one. I get along with guys better, they are more translucent (if not transparent). Many girls get along with me, but I get along with few girls. The fact that I hate to gossip drastically reduces my chances of having a good female friend. Number two. I already know a few girls who are amazing and are very good friends of mine. I shouldn't be asking for more.
So far there has been no success. Just false alarms of diamonds shining but getting closer I discover it was just a piece of broken mirror reflecting light. I am not giving up- its against my nature. I am consoling myself by thinking it will take more time and patience to find such a guy, probably he is camouflaged amongst the non intellectuals and it will take time to peel off the layers of disguise. I hope there is at least one such man.. and that I find him soon. :)