I never thought life will bring me here where all my convictions will go into a conflicting battle of ethics and emotions. Nothing in this life is an absolute right or wrong. If you stand like a third person and suggest "so and so should have been in this and that manner" you are the most outrageous person to do so. You cannot know a situation until and unless you are in it yourself. I am feeling like a fool to think that there was a time I felt that I could decide everything that should be done in a situation. But this thing called life throws at you much more than you think you can handle. Always. Once you recoil after being foiled, you sit back and analyze your perspective about life. And then you find out whats wrong. One thing is constant- nothing is absolute. Nothing is pure black and pure white. There are millions and millions of shades of gray. And being human we are prone to misinterpret every shade from another which is a nuance darker or lighter. I'm human and no matter how hard I try, I fail to understand why life is the way it is. Why does it have to make you do the things you decided you wouldn't be driven into?
Exactly. You sit down and decide today "No matter what happens, I will never do XYZ (some random thing) ever in my life". Next day your life will begin to weave that web to trap you into it and there you are... busted! So you dare to think you are the master of your own life? I believed that too. But this 'thing' makes me realize there is someone watching over me and telling me "What you see here, believe here, is not the truth."
Everything changes when you yourself are put in the situation you saw your friends in and probably pitied them...or looked at them with contempt ...or simply laughed at them. But when the origin shifts, like in Math, positives can become negative. And vice versa.
I know what situation I am into, and only I know what it feels like to be in it. Nobody's philosophy helps because I know the burden of decision is on me. Its never as easy as it seems. I have been fooling myself enough about "ethics" until I was zapped into my face "there is no such thing as that!"
No I am not complaining. Its an epiphany I wanted to share. With those who have been through it, or are yet to go through it. All I have to say is "Just NEVER judge any one's actions." You don't know what is driving him/her to do that. If a man has murdered his friend, he doesn't have to be cruel. There are other options to. Infinitely many. Human mind is so small to comprehend all this.
All this just makes me want to break away from my set of 'principles', 'beliefs', 'ideals' and what not. Its all trash. You build them for your whole life just to see the next generation spit on them. Its not what life is all about. I don't exactly know what it is about, but its certainly not this.
I'm losing it now. Gotta find a new me. And soon.