Monday, July 25, 2011

AA: Assholes Anonymous



Anonymity is a false sense of power. A sense of advantage you gain as you protect yourself from being exposed to judgement while conveniently passing ruthless judgements on others. Anonymity allows you to show your true feelings without the fear of marring your reputation as no one knows it is the person, who sweet talks to them in real life who is spewing venom on them via obscure channels. It gives the nameless a peculiar sense of joy and victory.

The first time I came across these anonymous stalkers/abusers was when I was in class sixth. I got a phone call from a girl who asked for me. I said I was speaking. She said “I want to kill you. You will die. I hate you.” That was the first moment I realized I had the power to make people so jealous that they abhor me. She called on a regular basis, I usually disconnected the call. I told my mom about it and the next time she called, my mom talked. She kind of counselled her in a weird way and the girl was so defenceless that she blurted out who she really was. That was a shocker. She had been my classmate till class 5th and had left the school. She was always so nice to me- too nice I now recall. She could only muster the courage to spew her venom on me when she was safely round the corner. It became a laughing matter in our house and soon she stopped calling altogether.

I know it is not exclusive to me, but I have had a plethora of sms/call anonymous stalkers too. The most recent one just sends hilarious abusive smses (hilarious as they hardly make any sense-just an effort to put together all swear words he/she could think of). Ignore is the word here. I mostly delete them without reading now. Another one is emailing me all kinds of ‘shit’ about my sexual life, alleged. I shouldn’t elaborate, but this is a clear case of frustration of not being able to attract my attention towards him. From what all he writes, it seems he is in my college and finds me both irresistible and detestable at the same time. You know that feeling? Wanting something badly and knowing you can’t? That. I replied to him once, but I noticed he cannot understand much. He has a monotonic thought process – calling me a sl*t. I reported him spam. I also have a strong reason to believe he is the same person who shit talked about me on gausipp.com – simply because the words and thoughts and the information he has is exactly the same.

Gausipp.com was a more public platform for anonymously badmouthing your acquaintances or friends even. But it gets boring after a while- same set of expletives for different sets of people. It gets repetitive and unimaginative. It was, hence bound to be shut down. It did. An empty blog now rests at its place.

I happen to have created an account on formspring.me and there is a sole soul asking me questions about my vital assets there – anonymously. I don’t see how wrong that is in any way, but it sure is pusillanimous. I have friends who asked me that on my face and I give them the answer. Judging by the questions from him hovering around the same topic, that person, apart from being a coward, seems only to be curious about me. I don’t see much hatred in his words. But now it has again bored me, I have simply stopped replying out of the ennui.

Finally, about the anonymous frustrated soul commenting on this blog of mine. In order to encourage honest thoughts about my writings, I have deliberately enabled anonymous comments. In the few of my previous posts the commenter seems to be highly opposed to all my viewpoints. At first I thought it was a healthy discussion about the image I seem to project and what I really am. And then I found a tinge of that ‘hatred’ in his words – something I learnt to recognize after my class sixth encounter. I knew it, that he was not worth the effort. My next reaction was amusement. I laughed at his desperation to prove me good for nothing. It was followed by boredom and subsequently irritation, exasperation and exhaustion. I am now in the ‘ignore mode’ for him too. No more comments shall be entertained, and if I find them too whiny, they shall be trashed.

Life is fun when you are hated. It brings an eerie thrill, a spice to the mundane life. When you know you are envied, you begin to value the things you have, you begin to savour the position you are in. It is exciting, enticing to be a part of an imaginary scandal.

On the other hand, I believe the timorous and the worthless resort to the anonymous channels to vent out their bottled up chafe. Anonymity is like the crutch of the fainthearted. Anonymity is cowardice; Battles are fought dauntlessly, face to face. I fear no one and nothing and I say what I feel on the face of the one I feel it for. I am even rather infamous for this ‘bad habit’ of mine-saying everything on the face as it is. Most people like to shut up in such situations and become a blabber mouth in the absence of the one being talked about. I know such people. Such people are always too nice and sugary on your face. But it’s plain slimy to me. I can't be them.


Update 26July: I now have a fake profile on facebook.

Looks like someone so desperately wants to be me :P

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The streak of raw passion




You think you know me just because you know my name
You think you see me cause youve seen every line on my face
You want to want me just because I say that I want you
But does it matter if anything Im saying is the truth
You need somebody, somebody to hold on to
But this aint the movies and we aint heroes.


and the lines...

The night is fading, like my old tattoo
A heart and a dagger, that says 'forever'.


-Bon Jovi

So what do you do? Listen to your heart? Because I always have. No matter how preposterous the choice may seem. I follow my heart. And 99 out of 100 times I am right. Women have instinct, they say. So, it IS true. It just should be.

They also say that 'seek and you shall be given'...God really answers beautifully. I can say this about all the questions I have ever asked Him.

I am confused. But listening to the heart is the answer, is my answer. The heart can't be wrong, right?


Nice lines though.... : "...Khud ko jala du teri aahon mein..."


And yes, Happy Birthday to me :)