Love is difficult. Love is not going to come served to you on a palate, you will have to work hard to get the kind of love that is rightly called so.
I was crazy about my first “crush”. I was irrationally head over heels in love with him, or so I thought. I was stupid enough to believe everything he said and I obviously screwed it up. I got dumped (or maybe I dumped him as I had had it, the line is not so clear). The point is that then I decided to be ‘rational’ in love.
I got into this second relationship, all planned and worked out about what I wanted and how I will never be “crazy” about him no matter what. Obviously this time too, I made a fool of myself by being in a virtually loveless “partnership” sort of thing. I would rationalize everthing about this relationship and it was not going to end well, and it didn’t. I was stupid enough to try and make sense out of “love”.
This time, I want to make it right. I don’t want this sequence of trial and error to go on a fourth time. This time I mean it to be a success and for that I am trying an optimal mix of rationality and craziness. It is stupid enough for me to be trying this long distance thing anyway, but I want to see it through. I want to be crazy about him like a hopeless romantic and yet apply all my logic to make sure it doesn’t fail.
Love is not going to make any sense. You have to be a bit of a fool to stay in love with someone because everyone has flaws. You have to make yourself blind to the flaws of the one you want to stay in love with.
You stop seeing “what’s right” when you begin to see “what’s wrong” with someone. Don’t do that. “Stay hungry; stay foolish” as Steve Jobs said, though in a completely different context, applies here too. I have to be mad enough to be attracted to him all the time, be brainless enough for him to feel that I have eyes only for him.
And the loyalty is worth it. The pain too that comes with it (long distance yearning I mean) is totally going to be worth it. Because, as they say, nothing that you get easily is really worth having.