Monday, March 6, 2017

A girl is no one.

I do not exist. I am a fraction of a moment in the forever of time. I am a tiny speck in the infinitude of the universe. Why should my thoughts be of any significance? Why should my agony be of any consequence? I am a nobody and I don't want to feel the fake superiority my ego gives me over other human beings.

None of us are understood truly, inside out in an entire lifetime. We live lonely lives with the illusion that we are not alone. But the truth is that even amidst a million friends and a plethora of family relationships - we are born in our mind, we live in our lonely thoughts and we die with a gazillion unfulfilled desires. We get hurt, we bleed, we cry. We hurt, we kill, we laugh too. Selfishness is central to our own pain. Only when we place our mind, heart and soul away from the centroid of our being, do we truly experience the peace and contentment that there is in being a nobody. The truth is that we came from nothing and we will be withered into nothingness. Can we start acknowledging this reality ... the reality we have always known about but never thought it applied to us?

Your thoughts are random - they are merely a collection of electrical impulses in your brain and nothing more. Your mind can betray you - it can make you believe that your dear friend is your biggest foe. It can make you believe you are amazing and everyone else is an idiot. It can fool you into thinking you are not capable of anything. It can also make you believe that the world is out to get you, to hurt you - when in reality the world is merely a collection of random chaos. It doesn't make sense because it doesn't have to - as simple as that. The human mind is fixated on the idea of making sense of things. It won't add up - and when it does, it is most probably just selection bias.

Your feelings are not only random - they are dangerous. Emotions are so powerful that they drive your thoughts - it is rarely the other way around. When you are hurt you ensure that you hurt everyone back. That is how the cycle of hurt never ends. Hate is more powerful than love - sadly. It is so much harder to forgive and forget - than to hold on to an imaginary grudge that feeds your insatiable thirst for pain. There is an inexplicable amount of pleasure in staying addicted to sadness. There is a weird kind of comfort in constantly feeling pain - it makes you immune to the temporary joys of life. But feeling your own pain is probably the worst kind of self indulgence.

The moment we begin to see the comedy in how much we take ourselves seriously is when this pain would truly and permanently end. Accept that ... that you are nothing ... and that your time here is transient. Life is fleeting. Look away from the self and see around you. We all are in pain. We all hide it well. We all need love but we all are just capable of giving the exact opposite. We are weak. We are lost. Have a little more empathy and a little less vanity. We are all in this together.


Afreen Khan said...
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Abhinav Vashisht said...
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Abhinav Vashisht said...

Read your whole blog :')..
From your first post of 2007 till here.
It's was fucking amazing.. You have written exceptionally well over the years..
Everything seems so ' straight out of heart' presented with so much faith.
I am in NSIT first year right now.. Roughly in the phase where this blog starts.. hope I have some similar experiences in the journey ahead. :)
Please keep writing.